Introductions

 I am sitting here in my house at 6:48 in the morning, my cell phone ran out of battery last night...again, and wondering if it was the kosher for pesach wine I drank before bed or the actuallity that I am out of shape that is motivating be to try and fast until I hit my target weight of 150...um... let's make that 160. I don't want to dissapear. How in the world am I going to get everything I need done and not eat? Maybe that is the food addiction talking. I guess I project on to people addicted to sugar and junk food. Truly, I have a problem eating. Boredom, Emptiness, Distraction. There are so many problems that can be fixed with eating. A warm dopamine rush. A pleasant design, but even if I don't eat meat, I am not doing my self any favors if I am still living to eat. I tell myself okay, let's take it down a notch today. 80% full and then stop. That Japanese culture eats until 80% full and then they stop. They are so small. That will work.  Let's not eat as much today, and then I convince myself that I don't care, I will be fine. And I eat until I am full then I eat some more. I was so thin whenever I was breastfeeding... if only I could pump the fat out of my body... that would be great. My husband is going to pick up some exercise bikes... I guess that is going to be the closest thing to pumping fat out... I love exercising. The problem is going to be not overeating when I am done as if I have earned some great reward to excess weight. Father help me. If I am glorifying You in everything I do, surely living as long as I can on this planet to love as many people and show as many people your faithfulness, spirit, and truth can't be a bad thing. Am I really going to fast for two days? How am I going to fast for two days?...Atonement proves I can abstain from liquid and solids for 24 hours...I know I can do that. I am used to "eating" the scriptures during  a fast. It is weird that I posted about sin the other day, as if my lessons were learned and my light was ready to be seen. Yet, here I sit, way more than 160 pounds. I don't want to step on that scale to see how much more. And, what about the apocalypes...won't I need some fat stores for that? I guess I have to choose where and how I am going to fight, and the when will have to be the Creator's decision. I can't live for the apocalypse, but die to my immediate ministry in my children and friends. I didn't mean for this to be a religious post but logically...I am a religious person. ... an out of shape religious person. How ironic. 

Antidote Sky